The Finality of Loss

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The Finality of Loss

July 28, 2011 by marasimon

I wish that death was a celebration of a life well-lived, instead of the mournful process that it is. Somehow, I wish I could feel joy and gratitude when someone passes, rather than the infinite sadness and loss that is typical. My Great Aunt Shirley passed away on Monday, after a two-year battle with stomach cancer. She was 86 and lived a long, often-hard life.

At 86 years old and as sick as she was, her passing was definitely in the natural order of things and it’s certainly not a tragedy by any means. But she was my last biological link to my maternal grandmother (who died long before I was born) and while my grandfather re-married and his second wife of over 25 years is most certainly my beloved Grandma, Aunt Shirley took on the role of a second grandmother and so this isn’t just the loss of some obscure relative. This hurts.

I’m starting to understand the appeal of religions that tote the belief in an afterlife or reincarnation or some variation thereof. It’s a comforting thought, certainly, only I’m having trouble really, truly buying into it all. I was raised Jewish by way of Buddism, Sufism and Quakerism and therefore, don’t really believe in much of anything other than science and nature. But a part of me wants to believe, so so badly. I find myself wishing that yes, Aunt Shirley is finally reunited with her beloved sister and all those in our family who have already passed on but deep down, I struggle with putting true faith into that idea.

So, instead, I wish that death was a celebration of life. I wish our culture revered death instead of reviled it. Perhaps, instead of being immobilized by the painful finality of loss, we could somehow manage to find beauty and glory in the final journey of our lives.

Until I find a way to do that, I’ll just be sitting here, contemplating the life and times of my dear, crazy Great Aunt Shirley.

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Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments

10 Responses

on July 28, 2011 at 8:33 pm | Reply Morgan

I’m so sorry for your loss.

Hopefully thinking about fond memories with your aunt will, over time, give you comfort. It’s never easy though. Hugs.
on July 28, 2011 at 11:32 pm | Reply Cathleya

So sorry for the loss of your Great Aunt. And what a wonderful post—I agree, we should celebrate the life that has been lived.
on July 29, 2011 at 1:28 pm | Reply Mina

i’m sorry for your loss, hon. thank you for this post.
on July 29, 2011 at 1:35 pm | Reply Sara

I recommend the book Heaven is For Real. It’s really helped me be at peace of the passing of the oldest generation in my family.
on July 29, 2011 at 4:15 pm | Reply Wired & Witty

I’m sorry for your loss. I, too, wish death could be a celebration of life as well. Your sadness is a testimony to your Great Aunt’s dedication to you though. And THAT is something that does celebrate her life. Hugs! Hang in there. The joy of having had her in your life will come eventually.
on July 29, 2011 at 5:58 pm | Reply AllieNic

Thanks for sharing this, Mara. My thoughts are with you…
on July 29, 2011 at 9:41 pm | Reply Terri

I’m so sorry for your loss, Mara.
on August 1, 2011 at 3:11 am | Reply marasimon

Thank you all SO much for the love, it means so much to me <3
on August 1, 2011 at 1:54 pm | Reply Abby

I’m so sorry for your loss, Mara.
on August 19, 2011 at 2:41 am | Reply Jorga

I was doing some cancer research and found your post. My grandmother is dying of stomach cancer and it is so difficult. I feel your pain. There’s a book by Randy Alcorn called Heaven. It is so good. I hope through your questions you can find faith. I love your running pic. Death is crossing the ultimate finish line of this race we call life!